I'm back at my (home) office and happy to be here, having had a good dose of friends old and new (back to back visits from Millicent and Pam; a dinner party hosted by an Italian friend of Diana's). I thought the food here was good, but food cooked by a bona fide Italian is beyond good--there was pasta a la Norma, a Sicilian dish with tomato and eggplant, to start. (Of course, I thought that was the entire meal, so ate my fill, then learned there were 3 more courses. Still not schooled in the ways of Italy!) After that, melon, proscutto and burata, a mozarella type cheese that is sweeter and creamier and comes in these little balls that kind of burst in your mouth when you bite them. Delicious. Followed by more fresh fruit and gelato. And, of course, wine. I'm hoping to return the favor by hosting a little apertivi get-together at my modest little Trastevere flat (as they say here); it wouldn't be home if I didn't throw a party!
Had an interesting experience in Lecce that I meant to get down here, my ersatz diary (except way less personal than a diary--sorry guys!). Millie and I spent the night in a b&b (very nice, in an 800 year old building in the center of town with vaulted stone ceilings, in case anyone is thinking of visiting Lecce). The woman who runs the place, originally from Sri Lanka, and I got to talking the morning we were checking out, and she told me, basically, her life story. She told me that she had always wanted to have a child, it was her life dream, and though she married in Sri Lanka, she couldn't have a child, despite trying and trying and trying. "My husband was very broadminded," she said, "and said I married you, baby or not," but she was extremely depressed. She said she couldn't bear to see her family and friends--even though her immediate family knew not to ask her about babies, everyone else did. She told me, "I would look at a pregnant cow, and think, 'That cow is better off than I am,' because the cow is pregnant." Hello--time for antidepressants!!!!
In any case, she was so miserable and felt so self conscious about her childless state, that she came to Italy to take a little break, ended up visiting Lecce, and decided to stay. Her husband stayed in Sri Lanka, though, at some point, came and lived with her for a few years because he was able to get a leave from his job. Eventually, though, he had to get back. But of course, she couldn't escape her sorrow. In Italy, on one of her husband's visits, she got pregnant, then miscarried after 3 weeks (after 13 years of trying). She was a teacher in Sri Lanka, and also did dance and choreography. She taught some dance in Lecce and her group one an award. But mostly, she has worked part time in a b&b, done babysitting, caring for an old woman. She is still very unahppy and bitter--though she has been in Italy for 26 years, she seems to dislike Italians--they area closed to outsiders, she says, and she has been unable to get her citizenship; she earns only 700 euros a month. So, I was feeling sad for her, and how her not being able to have a baby had shaped her entire life and her decisions and left her feeling like an outsider. Then, of course, she started saying, What about you? You're young now, but when you get older, you will have no one--what are you going to do? You have to get married!
Oy. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. I told her I was very lucky to live in NYC and didn't feel alone, but the conversation made a big impression on me--the choices she made, the bitterness she feels. I do hope I meet someone to love, but whatever happens, I don't plan to isolate myself like that, in shame.
Anyway, sad story--sorry, but felt it needed retelling. Made me feel lucky that I'm not from Sri Lanka, though I was struck by how the stigma of being childless and unmarried really goes across cultures for women--it's certainly something I feel in NYC, as well, though I try to fight it.
I got tons and tons of work done yesterday--got a wonderful essay in and I'm thrilled. I will have at least half the book edited by the time I leave--close to 200 pages, which I think is a good chunk, especially since I am very happy with the vast majority of the essays. Also walked around for FIVE hours, bought two pairs of cute sandals, and went into the Richard Meyer museum, (http://travel.nytimes.com/2006/09/25/arts/design/25paci.html) that holds the monument to Augustus. Extremely impressive exhibit. Today, I will do some editing, then I think I am going to brave the Vatican, or at least, St. Peter's Square.
A domani!
Paola
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