Technophopbia and other fears

Of all the things I'm worried about when it comes to my upcoming 2 month trip to Rome, what worries me most is the technology: What if I get into my new apartment, plug in my computer (though of course I have to get an Italy compatible plug and power strip), and the wireless doesn't work. (The apartment is supposed to have wireless, but it's Italy--you never know!) Then I won't be able to work! Other things I am worried about, in no particular order:
1) That I won't be able to figure out skype
2) That I won't be able to figure out a way to get my clothes clean (my apartment doesn't have a washing machine or dryer, and apparently, that is very unusual--there are very few public laundromats--only one in Rome, or something like that).
3) That I won't be able to figure out how to make my cell phone work
4) That I will be lonely
5) That I will end up spending the entire two months hiding in my apartment

Other than that, I'm looking forward to the trip!

Carpal tunnel here I come!

I sent out TWENTY writers agreements tonight. Wish I had an assistant. But then I'd have to pay that assistant. Actually, it wasn't bad work, once I got into the swing of it, except for the cramp in my wrist. I need distraction these days and absorbing yet not-too-challenging activities help.

Less than three weeks and counting until Rome. Yesterday I was wandering around the upper west side, after a successful shopping spree (actually bought a cute wrap dress at the Limited, because one doesn't wear shorts in Rome), letting the sun and the people and the sights lift my mood, and I thought: I will be able to walk around like this in the Roman sunshine and see the sights and smell the smells and carry my laptop to a cute cafe and I won't have to step inside an office for TWO months. What a concept. Right now, I'm feeling stressed by everything I have to do, but it was nice to remember that there are sunny Roman moments ahead.

Buona notte!
Paola

Weekend mornings

I love my apartment, but it's DARK, despite the environmentally incorrect natural light Reveal lightbulbs I use (if you have a dark apartment, they're wonderful--they create a soft light without a glare). For great tips, check out apartmenttherapy.com. (I've tried to insert the link below but I'm having a lot of trouble with the technical aspects of this blog.) That means it's great for sleeping but can be tough to get out in the morning. Before I know it, I've been drinking coffee, flipping through the paper, playing on the web, and it's 1:00. Pathetic!

When I finish my coffee, I am going to go out for a run around the reservoir, which is a half block away. I will, I will, I WILL. But first, another cup of coffee...

The joy of...laundry

I've always been a bit of a neatnik (okay, maybe even a little neater than that), but since the breakup, my apartment is positively sparkling: my laundry is done; any excess, unwearable clothes are dropped off at Good Will; the trash is empty, the recycling taken out. Part of it is that it's hard to be in my apartment, much as I love it, and just "be." My ex and I spent a lot of time here, and unfortunately, there are lots of associations. Unfortunately, I can't replace all my furniture, repaint and buy 3 new sets of bed linens (though I did splurge on an Italian duvet--see photo above). So I just have to get comfortable with everything again, and part of that is being here, but staying busy. I've always liked doing laundry anyway. I splurge on this ridiculously expensive detergent called Mrs. Meyers, which costs about $15, and comes in this wonderful geranium scent. I don't even know if real geraniums smell like that, but I like it. It makes my whole apartment smell good, not to mention my sheets and towels. Laundry gives me a sense of satisfaction with minimal effort and stress--almost instant gratification and I'm all about that. Plus, I get to meet people in my building, though I always seem to be down there with the most grouchy neighbors.
Anyway, gotta run put stuff in the dryer. Then, I WILL do my Pilates tape. I'm slacking off on workouts for the Challenge this week--work has been absolutely brutal.
Ciao.
Paola

Reaching out into the vacuum

Does anyone read this nascent blog? And, more important, does it matter? The problem is, ever mindful of my professional reputation and all kinds of other things, I hesitate to be extremely personal and reveal my innermost thoughts, fears, insecurities, kinks, oddities and quirks, as lovable as all of those may be. But if I'm not writing to please myself, then who am I writing for?

Had a drink with sociologist and University of Washington professor Pepper Schwartz tonight, who has a new book out, called Prime, about her sex life through the ages, but mostly, about finding love (and sex) and happiness as a newly single woman in her '50s. She's the best, like the big sister or super-cool aunt I never really had (though my younger sister is kind of like my big sister, come to think of it.) She is a huge advocate of online dating--my feelings are more mixed. I guess I view it as a necessary evil. But I don't have to think about any of that until after I come back from Rome. While in Rome, I am going to live life--shop for great food (even if I don't cook), drink nice wine, sit in cafe's with my lap top and work, look around and catch the occasional cute Roman's eye (I hope), and get more comfortable speaking Italian. Modest goals, good to start with modest goals.
Buona notte!
Paola

The break up diet

There's one good thing about getting over a break up, I've discovered. Whenever I want to turn to a pint of ice cream for comfort, I remind myself: "You're going to be getting out there again, and it's going to be even more hellacious if you're not feeling confident about your body." So I keep on, skipping the pints (for the most part) and eating more sushi than I've downed in a very, very long time, to make dating re-entry, whenever it occurs, as painless and tear-free as possible. The infatuation diet is a lot more fun (that's when I'm so head over heels that I can't eat--a rare occurrence) but the breakup diet, I'm finding, is more effective and long-lasting. Does that means hurt and grief last longer than being ga-ga over a guy? Maybe just for me.
Ciao!
Paola

Adventures in babysitting

I babysat for my nephews tonight, ostensibly as a thank-you to my brother-in-law for being so helpful with my book contract (for some things, you really DO need a lawyer--those contracts are indecipherable) but truly, nothing makes me happier than hanging with my boys. The little one, Caleb, expressed the wish that I would babysit "forever." You can't buy, beg or borrow love like that. It would be nice to find that kind of whole-hearted, give and take love in a relationship with a grown-up man. There is something so unconditional about my love for my nephews: I'm not the mom, so I don't have to worry and suffer angst over them (that's what their parents are for); I can just enjoy them and spoil them and appreciate them for themselves and they seem to do the same. Does anyone experience that with a significant other, in the real world? It would be nice to come close.

'que!

Just returned from a lovely dinner at Dinosuar Barbeque--ribs, ribs, ribs! Why is it that I can't eat ham, but I love bacon and ribs? I think it must be remnants of Jewish guilt. I can't eat anything that LOOKs like ham--in other words, that is pink.

Had a really nice time with my friends Gregg and Sheri who are new parents to a 3-month old boy. There's nothing like going out with new parents, I'm discovering. They are so happy for adult company and for being out and away from the kid that you don't have to work very hard to be entertaining--they're just psyched that you're there in the first place.

Buena notte!
Paola

It's getting less unpleasant all the time

Spinning class, that is. Went today and didn't feel as utterly exhausted as I've been feeling. Maybe soon I'll actually get there on time and stay til the very end. Maybe.

Chickened out

Well, I was supposed to get my fat measured, my cardio fitness assessed and every other part of me poked and prodded today as part of my Equifit test at Equinox, where I work out. Guess what? I bagged it. I'm just feeling too thin skinned right now. Instead, I skipped the health club, cranked at work, then took an Italian lesson with my lovely tutor Maria Riboli, an actress originally from the Le Marche region of Italy. The nice thing about studying a language is that it's very absorbing; it also reminds me that in a month's time, I will be heading to Rome for two solid months, the longest period of time I haven't worked in a 9-5 gig since college. That's the apartment I'm going to be staying in when I'm in Rome--nice light, beamed ceilings and it's in a lovely neighborhood of Rome known as Trastevere . Very typically Roman, with laundry fluttering from lines in the breeze, piazzas and fountains, tiny little streets and beautiful churches. And there's supposed to be a beautiful park and botanical garden along my street, so I may even be able to continue doing the Challenge while I'm there. If I finish all three months, I have a new bathing suit to look forward to, courtesy of my boss, Lucy Danziger , editor of SELF . So even though I skipped the gym today, I did manage to do a half hour of Pilates--counts for something! Ciao and buona notte!
Paola

Who says 13 is the unluckiest number?

Well, what started off as a bad day ended up as a pretty good day. I've been a bit weepy lately (you know, the breakup and all), but got myself to the gym to spin, and managed to last ALMOST the whole class (minus the stretching part; rather do that on my own. I stumbled out of there red and sweating, and this hot personal trainer took one look at me and said, "Now YOU look like you've had a workout!" I took that as a compliment. Then I weighed myself and I'm down 13 pounds. If I have to get out there in the dating world again (can't believe I do!), I need to feel good about my body. So I'm happy with the number 13--feels lucky to me.

Tomorrow I'm getting an "equifit" test at Equinox--basically, they measure your body fat, flexibility, cardio fitness, etc., etc. I've done it in the past, and generally, it makes me feel like a complete fitness failure, but I figure I might as well have a baseline measure--I've been working pretty hard for the last 3 months, so how out of shape can I be? (Not sure I want to find out the answer to that but I'm going forward.) Will share the results here, if they are not too mortifying.

Ciao!
Paola

The breakup blues

Breakups SUCK. They're like a death--the loss can feel that sudden, that abrupt, that unnatural--but you don't get the sympathy that comes along with death. You just have to go on with your life and get over it, pretty quickly. The good news is that I always suffer, then, somehow, always seem to make a career leap. Why is this? I need to figure out how to make career leaps while in a good, healthy, stable, loving relationship, instead of when I'm out of one that wasless than that.
That's all I have to say on the subject. Not ready to bare my soul on (in?) the blog-o-sphere.

As for the Challenge, I faithfully worked out all weekend with the altercockers (spelling? Yiddish?) at my parents' retirement condo. The elliptical trainer at their complex is really tough--at my usual gym (Equinox), I do the elliptical on level 8; at the 55-plus workout center, I can only do level one. I'm not sure if it's the machine or I'm just prematurely aging in the surroundings! In any case, I moved my body every day, took a nice beach walk, watched some kite boarders (cool to look at; not for me) and spent some good time bonding with my nephew.

Talking with Jane Smiley tomorrow for my book. Love (most) of her stuff. Need to read her latest.
Ciao!

Spoke too soon

Okay, so I didn't spin today. I read magazines on the elliptical trainer for 30 minutes, but that has got to count for something! Off to Florida to visit my snowbird parents in Delray Beach with my 9 year old nephew Jordan tomorrow. Six a.m. car. Gotta love it.
Buono notte!

In the spin

I never thought I'd be the type of person to take a spinning class. I hate going to classes where people scream out, Wooo-HOOOO! Because let's face it--that's annoying. Spinning is hard, it hurts, you sweat a lot, and who needs someone screaming in your ear? The way I do spinning is this: I sit on a bike that's as far back from the instructor as possible, and is partially obscured from her vision. I stick a towel on my seat so my butt doesn't get sore. And I put the resistance down to zero when I get exhausted, even if everyone else is standing up in the saddle, pumping away. The reality is, I still sweat buckets, I still burn calories, and I still get a better workout than I would if I were merely reading a magazine on the elliptical trainer.

In any case, I'm spinning today, hopefully with my colleague Kate Lewis--another perk of working at SELF is that we often sneak out to the gym together midday--it's a very SELF-y thing to do. Will be able to rack up lots of workouts for the Challenge this week--I'm visiting my parents in Florida with my 9-year-old nephew, Jordan, and there's a great workout center at the 55-plus place where they live. Everyone working out is over 70, so I get to feel like a young studette!

Ciao!

The birth of a new book

It all started on a Memorial Day weekend in the Catskills, nearly two years ago. I was sitting on the porch of a quaint house owned by my good friend MP Dunleavey, in the quaint town of Andes, talking with MP and another good friend Caroline about my long simmering wish to do a book. The three of us love to talk about our careers (and the men in our lives), but especially about our careers. One thing led to another, and I blurted out, What about a book on sex in real life? (Well, it didn't come quite that easily, but almost--MP and Caroline are that inspiring.) Anyway, for a long time, I'd been wondering why I seemed to be the only one who liked to talk about sex--or, at least, why I was the only one who brought it up. To me, it's such an important part of life, an important part of being human, but it's still incredibly tough to talk about--talk about honestly that is--even with close friends. I happen to think that's partly because we've all been conditioned to believe that most people out there are having the Sex and the City experience; that if we happen not to be having that kind of no-holds barred, always-fulfilling passion, we're somehow missing the boat. I thought women might benefit from a book that tells the stories we wish we could tell, the kinds of things all of us wonder about--Am I normal? Does everyone feel like this? The idea evolved over the course of that fun-filled, sun-filled weekend and soon after that, I wrote my first pitch to an agent. (Of course, it took almost a year and a half to finally finish the thing, but that's another story.) So, I dedicate this post to the Off Road Girls, or O.R.G. as we like to refer to ourselves--MP, Caroline and me, Paula. (That's us, having an ORG night out.) Long may we roam!
Ciao!

I had a sleep over with my nephew Caleb last night. He's 7 and every other sentence out of his mouth makes me laugh. (That's him on the right and his older brother Jordan, above. Thank god for nephews. They make me happy every day.

I'm planning on getting serious about the Challenge today: Spinning class here I come. So far, I have to leave after 30 minutes; I get tapped out. But it's a sweaty, serious 30 minutes.
Ciao!

Challenging myself in more ways than one

I'm just coming out of a 4-plus year relationship (3 weeks and counting), and as they say, looking good is the best revenge. So, as a loyal SELF magazine staffer (5-plus years and counting), I am about to start taking the SELF Challenge http://www.self.com/challenge ,

a 3 month exercise and eating plan. Last year, I started the Challenge and injured my achilles tendon (my fault for jumping into running a bit too enthusiastically) and guess what? Ended up gaining weight. This year, I'm holding off on the running and hoping to get motivated by just writing down my workouts and what I eat. I took a great girl trip in December to a place called the Red Mountain Spa http://www.redmountainspa.com/ , an amazing place that's as luxurious as Canyon Ranch but a third of the cost. (Stunning hiking, great spa treatments, excellent food and an incredible setting.

Plus, it's close to Zion and Bryce--that's the view from my room, above.) In any case, the spa trip got me going on a get-healthy plan, and I've lost 12 pounds so far. Would be nice to lose 10 more before I go off to Rome, but I'm feeling molto bene already. (Nice to fit back into some of those pants again.) Challenge plan for tonight--after I take my laundry out of the dryer, I will do this amazing half-hour Pilates tape I got from work (nice perk!), called 10-minute Pilates--though it actually takes longer than that.

Oh, and I promise this blog won't be all about diet and exercise. There's my book to talk about, which will be a lot, well, sexier. Here's my elevator pitch: Despite the fact that we live in a world that's saturated with sex, it's still tough for women to talk about sex, what we feel, what goes through our heads, the gap that often exists between what we expect sex to be like and what it's really like. The essays in this book, from cool writers like Susan Cheever, Julie Powell and Moon Zappa (yes--that Moon Zappa) will get at what sex is truly like for ordinary women who aren't necessarily living the Sex & the City life. Interested? Keep reading!

Ciao!

Blogging virgin jumps in head first

Hi all--
At the risk of exposing myself in more ways, than one, I thought I'd jump into this brave new world as I get ready to go off to Rome and live the temporary expat life. Who, after all, wouldn't want to hear of a 43 year old woman's adventures ordering cappucino, searching for the best pizza, soaking in the light and, of course, working on her first book. That book will be published by Bantam in '08 and is called Behind the Bedroom Door, an anthology of essays by women about sex in real life (as opposed to what we see on TV and the movies and on, well, blogs). More on my foray into the publishing world land the terrific writers involved, later. (check out the contributors so far, below.)
Ciao!
Paula